


Moon Without the Stars

by KureKai_King



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Post-Break Up, Wataru POV, sequel fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KureKai_King/pseuds/KureKai_King
Summary: The decision we came to agree upon broke both our hearts. But...what if I told you I regretted it the second the words came out of my mouth? What if...I want to be back in your arms like it was before I had such a stupid, stupid idea...
Relationships: Goryo Yuto/Matoba Wataru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Moon Without the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel fic to this: [Lost Without You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26161669)
> 
> Catch me on Twitter at: [DemonWings](https://twitter.com/DemonWings)

I don't think I've cried myself to sleep so much before. I think I can recall only one time I cried myself to sleep from a sense of uneasiness before now. All the times I've laid there crying with a happy smile have been with you there. The first time you told me you loved me... The first time you called me your boyfriend... The first night we spent laying together... It was as if we were protected from all the harm in the world, our own little bubble of joy and purity. 

And I...I threw it all away, huh? I told you I didn't want it anymore. That it shouldn't happen anymore. ...For the good of the band, right?

How could I do it...put us both through such pain? You genuinely love me more than life itself and I've been a fool to do what I did. I didn't do anything good with this decision, I just ended up hurting all five of us. I should've known this would affect Ren, Kikyo and Banri as much as it would the two of us. 

You probably think I don't look at you anymore, not like that, but I do. I still have that sense of longing and protection for you. I always will. I notice the added wetness in your eyes whenever they do manage to meet mine and I notice the strain in your voice when you say my name. There's a harsh tugging in my chest telling me to just hold you while you hold me and to let you release all that sadness from inside your heart because you shouldn't have to feel that way and it's all my fault...

So, I decided to change things again.

I had to.

I had to drive that sadness away so we could both move on. The band would benefit from that instead and it'd be a better solution.

Coming home after work that night was haunting. It was later than I'd expected thanks to an extra walk in order to clear my thoughts and figure out what to do and say next. I stepped into our sharehouse and out of new routine instinct, began to head for my room. Until, I saw you in the main lounge. I felt my body tighten and I felt guilt wrack my senses because as usual I could see your pain no matter how much you tried hiding it.

"Y-Yuu...?" Curse myself for stuttering but the lump in my throat forbade me from speaking normally as you turned to look up at me and I saw you shift on the couch to put your phone away (my guess would later be proved correct that you'd talked with Reon about something or other, not that I minded or cared much), "Can...c-can we talk...?" I wanted to wince, since the last time I'd asked you that was the moment I suggested we break up.

There's such worry in your expression now and I don't blame you one bit. I'd be scared too...because what more pain could I bring after breaking your heart like I did? 

Do I even deserve to ask for it again? 

"What...is it, Wataru?" You had to swallow to keep your voice steady. It shouldn't be like this.

"I-I... I... Y-Yuu, I..."

"H-Hey, it's alright..."

No. It isn't.

"Wataru, you can talk to me still..."

I can't feel my voice.

"...You're still my partner, no matter what..."

I was in every sense of the word before I threw it all away.

"Wataru? ...Come here..."

Despite feeling frozen, I somehow managed to move over to you and shakily sit beside you. You didn't take my hand like you would've before. Did I even have the right to feel the pain I felt from that missing action? I made this decision. I did. Why should I be hurting over the little things? Why am I the one hiding away all the time when you have every right to do it instead of me? I lower my head and close my eyes tight, already feeling the stinging wetness of tears dripping down my face as my hands curl into fists. I can feel my body shaking.

"W-Wataru...?" You call my name again and that underlying pain because you daren't reach out for me in case I push you away hurts to hear because it shouldn't even be there and all I can think about is guilt! I feel guilty! You wouldn't be suffering if I hadn't done what I did! "Wataru...hey, c'mon, what happened? Did...something happen at work? Did someone say something? Tell me, what is it? ...I hate seeing you like this..."

You're so much stronger than you realise, Yuuto...

"...I regret everything I said..." My voice nothing more than a tiny whisper, "I don't know what I was thinking, Yuu... I-I thought I was d-doing the r-right th-thing and...and...a-and I just ruined everything...!"

I sniffled harshly as my cries became more apparent, my face nothing but cold and wet. I was trembling so much and I daren't open my eyes in fear of what I would see. Would I see you in the same state as I? Or worse? Would you even still be beside me? 

I got my answer soon enough, when I gently whispered "I still love you..." and suddenly there was this warmth - your warmth - wrapping around and washing over me and I nestled as close as I could into it, greedily wanting it all for myself. I shivered so much more, this feeling was so overwhelming and all I could do was wail soundlessly into your chest as you finally held me again and whispered those same words back to me. Your touch gently running through my hair and keeping me as close to you as possible. 

I didn't think I'd ever get to have this again...

I couldn't do anything but continue to cry so silently, the silent screams of anguish and heartache just cracking breaths of air. I shakily reached for you and clutched onto your shirt so tightly I almost swore I ripped it just because I felt so scared to let go. I never want to feel this way again. I'll never do anything so stupid again, Yuu, I promise! Just don't let me go...please...

I don't know how much time passed before I finally calmed down and just stay pressed against you, save for some final shaky breaths. My eyes stung from all the tears and my face was drying awkwardly from the bitterness. As much as it scared me to, I drew my head up to look at you and was met with the most sincere and loving gaze; it reminded me of when you confessed to being in love with me. You cupped my face in your hands and stroked away any remaining wetness, the small soft smile on your lips soon leaned in to meet mine, moistening the chapped texture lightly like a feather's brush.

Oh, how much I had missed your kiss...your touch... I'd missed you more than I could ever hope to explain, only ever in the words of "I never want to not feel this again". 

Our kiss ended sooner than I'd have liked, but so long as you didn't let go of me then I was okay. I just wanted to be in your arms. Nothing more, nothing less. It just had to be you holding me so close.

"I-I'm s-sorry..." I croaked and was met by just your gentle shushing as you let me bury my face into the crook of your neck.

"Don't be... You thought you were doing what was right for us... I understand it, Wataru... I understand..."

I sniffled helplessly, feeling like a child crying apologetically to its parent.

"I promised to never give up on you," is what you told me next, "I love you, Wataru. I'll always be with you... It's like the moon without the stars, that's how it feels when we're apart... I know if you could go back and stop yourself from doing it then you would, and I probably would too. It's not your fault, Wataru..."

I felt like crying again but I held it in. I kept myself hidden against you, embraced by your warmth. This was all I needed...

"You're so special to me, babe... If I hadn't met you then, well, where would I be now? I didn't have to fall in love with you, Wataru, but I did. I feel helplessly in love with someone so amazing and bright. Someone so talented and at first it scared me. But, you fell in love with me too and showed me that it was okay, that there was no need to be scared. I'll never be the greatest man in the world, but somehow I know you don't mind that. And I don't either; I just want to be with you..."

You're so bright...you're like the sun, Yuu... I don't tell you enough just how much I appreciate everything you do for me...for us...

"Hey...you're not going to sleep on me, are you? Although, I wouldn't blame you, you cried so much I wouldn't be surprised if you're tired. And it's kinda late anyway...do you...wanna head to bed together? It's...it's been weird not sleeping beside you..."

I gave a simple, tiny nod and clung to you as you picked me up and carried me to bed. I don't recall which room we used, probably yours as I'd spent far too much time in mine as of late. I remember the softness of the pillow and the mattress and the duvet covers. I remember whimpering when you let me go to change before I was curled up in your warmth once again. I remember you kissing my head and rubbing circles on my back before tracing hearts.

"You're my beautiful boy, Wataru... I'm never going to let you go again. Never".

I smiled then. I closed my eyes and snuggled with you, as if we'd never spent any time apart.

I vowed that I'd never leave you like that again. I'd always be safe with you...that you could trust me just as you always had. 

I love you so much, Yuu... You're everything to me...


End file.
